What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I got inside last night via doggy door
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
