yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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