You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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