everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
