And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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