Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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