dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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