I could make wine with my vomit
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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