You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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