how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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