in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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