Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
