I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
