If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
that's an acceptable place to lick
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
