So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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