Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize