as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
