I want you more than these girls want KFC
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
