Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
