I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Slut skills are useful in every country.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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