Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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