rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
