I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
