I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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