Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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