how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
