Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
