did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize