So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
