I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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