There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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