Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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