My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
