its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
