I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
