how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize