who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
