Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
