no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
