I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
