I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
