I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
