Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
