you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
