i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
