there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
