I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
