3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
