I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
