i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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