So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
