I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
