and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
