Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
