apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
