Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
