when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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