he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
