Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
