We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
