I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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