mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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