Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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