Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
