I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
