i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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