Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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