i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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