I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
