I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
