Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I skipped work to stalk him.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We have so much sex to catch up on
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
