So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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