Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
