My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
