ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you had me at cake vodka
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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