Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
