i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
