Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
