so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
