We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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