Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
