I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
