Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
