Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
