if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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