There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
