she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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