Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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