I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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