i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
