I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
