when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
