Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize