Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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