White coat. Heels.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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