so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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