I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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