Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just high enough for therapy.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Randomize
