my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
